Do you want to stop feeling upset? You can overcome that sadness permanently by using the Socratic questioning technique. In this podcast, you will find some powerful, effective, and healing techniques taught by Teal Swan, Evette Rose, and Byron Katie. This will help you battle your negative core beliefs, anxious or depressive thoughts and self-sabotaging mindset.
You can listen to more episodes of ‘A Better Living’ podcast here.
The books, authors, etc mentioned in the episode can be found below:
Teal Swan’s Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Duu09zQczOc
Moumita publishes podcasts on self-improvements, self-care, developing life skills & living a better quality of life🎙️💃✨
Your journey to a successful and fulfilling life begins here.
About Moumita: A senior product manager by profession (Ex- Amazon, Walt Disney). Computer science engineer and MBA (ISB) by education. She has a total of 14 years of work experience. She loves reading and learning about human psychology, career success, astrology, space, the origin of life, and esoteric subjects. Recently she underwent a spiritual awakening and discovered that she is an Andromedan Starseed.
Have you been upset lately? You can overcome that sadness greatly by using the Socratic questioning technique. In this podcast episode, you will find some powerful, effective, and healing techniques taught by Teal Swan, Evette Rose, and Byron Katie. This will help you heal your negative core beliefs, anxious or depressive thoughts, and self-sabotaging mindset. The sadness will fade and the clarity of mind will be achieved.
Podcast Transcription: https://abetterliving.co/how-to-stop-feeling-upset/
Teal Swan’s Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Duu09zQczOc
Connect with me on social media:
Intro music credits:
Track Name: Good vibes only
Artist: Elephant Funeral
Album: Unfinished tales
[00:00:00] Hi everyone. This is Moumita. Today I’m going to talk about how to stop feeling upset. For those who don’t know about me- I talk about work money, and spirituality and how to live a better quality of life. If you would like to know more about my experience, et c, then I’d suggest you visit my website using the link shared in the podcast description.
[00:00:22] If you like this episode
[00:00:23] then please feel free to share it with others too. Subscribe or follow my podcast. Or click on the like, or the favorite button below. And I would be really grateful if you leave a review too. So let’s get started.
[00:00:41] Have you felt upset over something seemingly simple? Anything and everything that upsets you, makes you sad or disappointed. Like you came back from work and you saw a huge pile of laundry waiting for you. You had to fold or wash them. But you forgot or you didn’t care. And now you feel-” again, I have to do this. I had a hard day at work”. Or your spouse might be just snoring and you are pissed off at that. Or maybe you were going somewhere and then your car broke down. You’re like, oh God, why does this happen with me always. Why me? Why is the universe working against me? Why does God not want me to do better in life.
[00:01:25] It’s not always that people do things to piss us off. It’s more like our reaction to what people are doing. Or how things are turning up in our life. So the main theme of we getting upset most of the time, at least 90% of the time, originates from a negative core belief.
[00:01:47] What is a negative core belief? A negative core belief could look like- I’m not loved. I’m alone. I don’t have any freedom. These are negative core beliefs, which creates negative thoughts. Negative thoughts like why is the universe against me? Why does God not want me to Excel in my life. Or any kind of thought that upsets you usually originates from a negative core belief.
[00:02:17] So where do negative core beliefs come from? Negative core beliefs come from trauma. We must have gone through some past, painful experiences. And we did not know how to rationalize that experience. Our brain’s primary job is survival. So what brain tries to do is when it experiences grief or pain or trauma of any kind, in order to survive, it tries to make a sense out of it, a meaning out of it.
[00:02:47] And it rationalizes in such a way so that you as a person can continue surviving without having a mental breakdown. So your brain rationalizes things like- oh, I’m not loved. Or that’s why these things are happening. So that’s kind of a rationalization that the brain puts into place to prevent from a bigger breakdown.
[00:03:09] But all these things are happening in the background. You will not know that. You will know when you actually start the healing process. So today I’m going to talk about that healing process as to how to find those negative core beliefs. And how to heal them so that you stop having those negative thoughts that upsets you for once and for all.
[00:03:31] If you successfully heal a negative core belief, you will never experiance the negative thoughts related to that core belief ever again. This is one thing I can guarantee you after practicing it in my own life.
[00:03:45] I would suggest that since this healing process requires a number of steps- you should take a pen and paper or open your note taking app in your phone or a laptop. You should start writing down the steps so that every time you are upset, you go back to this piece of paper or this note, and you do the steps that I’m suggesting here. Which would help you heal or cope with this negative thought and uproot it completely. So that you don’t ever have to face it ever again.
[00:04:18] This is a continuous process. It’s not like you did this healing once and it is going to work on all your negative thoughts. No. There could be multiple negative core beliefs. There could be multiple traumas in your life. You have to pick one of them, whichever is upsetting you right now. You have to focus on that. Heal that completely and move on. Next time when you face another trauma, or another upsetting thought comes up, then you have to heal that using the same process.
[00:04:46] So in the last four or five months, I don’t know how many times I’ve done this healing. I’ve lost count. I think I have discovered more than 20 negative core beliefs . Every time they have upset me, I have healed them. I felt like I was living in an emotional dark age where no matter what surface level achievements I’ve had in my life, they did not mean anything. Because inside I was completely unhappy.
[00:05:10] But with these techniques that I’m sharing in my podcast episodes, if you use them as a toolkit, you will move more and more towards your path to happiness. You will become less anxious, less upset and happier as compared in the past. So let’s get started. You can pause this podcast anytime in between to write down the steps.
[00:05:33] So, first thing first, the first step is- Become mindful of the negative thought. What is it that is making you upset? Ask yourself, why am I upset? Exactly what about it is upsetting me? Try to remember that which thought generated a negative feeling in you. It could be sadness. It could be disappointment, frustration, anger, annoyance, anything.
[00:06:00] If the answer is- oh, my car broke down. Or I have to do my laundry. That’s not the reason of being upset. That is something you have to do. But what about it is making you more upset?
[00:06:11] ” I have to do everything by myself”. Or “why does this happen with me all the time”? Or any kind of thought that has absolutely no correlation with what has actually happened. But it is making you upset. So that is a negative thought that you have to focus on. That is what we have to heal.
[00:06:28] What we’ll do is we’ll take that thought and we’ll dig deep. We’ll go deep and figure out where it is originating from. We have to find that negative core belief. These thoughts are kind of tentacles of an octopus. Octopus head is like the negative core belief. And the tentacles are the different negative thoughts.
[00:06:46] So one negative core belief can have multiple different negative thoughts, which has no correlation with each other. So you don’t have to go about healing all the negative thoughts individually. Because if you take your negative core belief and heal it, then the other tentacles, the other negative thoughts will vanish .At least the ones which are originating from this core belief.
[00:07:07] Once you have identified what that negative thought is, which is making you upset, you ask one simple question to it. Why is it so bad? Why is it so bad that I have to fold my laundry now? If you’re not able to get an answer to that, ask a follow-up question.
[00:07:35] What does that mean to me? Or mean about me? And hear the answer. Whatever the answer is. Then you again, ask the same question, to that answer- why is that so bad? Or what does it mean to me or about me? So you keep asking the questions, the same two questions to your negative thought.
[00:08:00] Every time you get an answer, you ask the same question and you keep going deeper and deeper until you have hit the core negative belief.
[00:08:14] So I’ll give you an example, like I just don’t like this additional work that came up. It’s upsetting me. Why is that bad? It means that I cannot do what I really enjoy doing. Instead I have to focus on things that I don’t enjoy doing. Okay. So why is it bad that I have to do things that I don’t enjoy doing?
[00:08:40] Why is it bad? Or what does it mean for me or about? It means that I basically don’t have any freedom. So this is a negative core belief that I have. And how will you know that you have hit the negative core belief? Is when you keep asking the same question that why is it so bad? You will enter into a loop.
[00:09:02] You’ll keep getting the same answer over and over again. So if I ask that why is it bad that I don’t have any freedom? It means I’m unhappy. Why is it bad if I’m unhappy? Because it means I don’t have any freedom. And it will keep on hitting the same answer. That’s when you know that you’ve hit the negative core belief.
[00:09:20] So for you, it may take more number of steps than being this simple. Keep doing until you hit that negative core belief. What it is. While doing this, you may have a tendency of justifying it, say, for example- no, this is not how it should be. Or- No, people will say this, hence it is bad. Or, you know, some kind of a justification that does not really say why it feels bad to you or hurts you or what it means for you. So don’t cop out. Don’t fall for the justification trap here. We are trying to find out why it hurts or harms us. Continue with these two questions and giving honest answer to yourself.
[00:10:05] And once you have hit the negative core belief, congratulations! Write it down immediately. The first step of the problem is solved.
[00:10:16] Now we will do the healing of both the negative thought and the negative core belief. We’ll do that step by step. Why are we choosing to heal the negative thought? Because sometimes there is a secondary gain associated with the negative thought. What is the secondary gain? A secondary gain is a benefit of holding onto this negative thought. Say for example- if the negative thought was: “oh, I’m such a victim in life. All the bad things happen in my life”. That’s a negative thought. Now you will notice if you directly try to dig deep into this negative thought try to heal the negative core belief. First, you may notice that there is something preventing you from healing.
[00:10:56] It is the secondary gain. The gain is when I tell how all bad things happen to me in life to others, then people show me sympathy. They give me attention. They feel pity about me. And that is something I like. So here, the benefit that I’m getting for holding onto this thought is this – I’m getting attention from others. So unless you heal that part, you will not be able to heal the main negative core belief.
[00:11:28] So that’s the reason why it’s important that you understand the secondary gain that is preventing you from healing this. First we’ll do the negative thought healing. And then we will do the negative core belief healing.
[00:11:41] Now pick the negative thought. Write down these steps in order to heal that negative thought.
[00:11:47] Where in your body do you feel this negative thought? Where is the stress of this thought felt in your body?
[00:11:57] So some people might feel the pain in their chest area, in the heart. Some people might feel in the throat. Some people might feel in the stomach. Some people might feel it somewhere else in the body, like a leg or the back or the head, a headache or things like that. Do you feel any kind of pain or discomfort anywhere in any part of the body? If yes, where is it?
[00:12:19] Next question is – what in your life will change, that you are not ready to change, if you heal this negative thought today? Answering this question will help you find what you’re afraid of. And what is the resistance to healing this thought. This is where you will find the secondary gain.
[00:12:37] What is the additional benefit that you’re getting to holding this thought. You have to ask yourself- in what ways can I meet my needs for that secondary gain?
[00:12:48] The next question is – when you are with this negative thought, who are, what made you feel this way?
[00:12:59] The next question is – what will you be able to heal in life? If you are able to heal the negative thought today?
[00:13:10] And the next one is, can you find a reason to drop this? thought I’m not asking you to drop this thought. I’m just asking you, can you find a reason to drop this thought?
[00:13:24] The next question is- can you find a stress free reason to keep that thought? Stress free being the keyword here. The reason, if you want to keep this thought, that reason has to be stress free. Chances are high, your answer will always be a ‘no’ to this question.
[00:13:46] The next question is – who would you be without this negative thought? The answer could be something like- I’ll be completely free. I will not be worried about this. I’ll just go about my life, something along that line. Or whatever your answer is.
[00:14:05] The next question is- Turn around the negative thought. So if the original negative thought was- “oh, I’m such a victim in life, all bad things happen to me”. Turn it around. Reverse it.
[00:14:19] Write the opposite of that thought in a positive way. Example, if your thought is I am unworthy. Then the opposite of that is I’m worthy. Write that. So these are the steps that would help you heal that negative thought.
[00:14:40] Now let’s move on to healing the negative core belief. Healing the negative core belief is much easier because now you know what is your secondary gain.
[00:14:50] What is the additional benefit that you’re getting to holding this thought? You have to ask yourself- in what ways can I meet my needs for that secondary gain?
[00:15:01] So, if my need was to get attention from others, for which I was not letting go of that negative thought, In what ways can I fulfill that need without sticking to that thought?
[00:15:14] The technique that I shared, the set of questions that I shared to heal your negative thought
[00:15:19] I learned from the book- the Metaphysical Anatomy, written by Evette Rose .In her website called mat members.com, she has multiple free videos where she shows how to heal negative thoughts. So this step was a combination of the questions she discusses in a video. Plus the ones I learned from Byron Katie’s book- loving what is. I combined these two because I found that this combination works really well in challenging those existing thoughts and uprooting those negative thoughts. And planting fresh ones or good ones. If you want, you can click on the links shared in the podcast description to know more about these books and these authors.
[00:16:09] Let’s move on to healing the negative core belief. Once you’ve identified the negative core belief, the first thing you have to do is find evidence in your real life that negates that negative thought. Write down the opposite of that negative core belief. If the negative core belief is I don’t have any freedom. Then the opposite of that is- I have freedom. And find evidence in your past experience, events, something somebody said or did for you. Or something that you did, which gives you an idea that you did have freedom. And you were free in the past. If you have difficulty convincing yourself, tell yourself that you have a free will to choose. You always had free will to choose, but you did not make the correct choices. So you still have freedom to make the correct choices. That is just one example of dealing with one kind of negative core belief.
[00:17:20] Your negative core beliefs could also be like- I am alone. So find evidences where you people did help you, where you can tell yourself that I am not alone. But people have helped you in the past. If the negative core belief is- I’m not loved, then find evidence of the opposite of that. where people did love you in the past. Find as many evidences, at least two or more evidences, from your past where the opposite of that negative core belief has happened. Because if you just try to force fully plant a positive belief, to uproot that by saying that I am loved without any evidence, then it is as good as insulting your own intelligence. You yourself will not be able to believe in it. The only way you can conquer your negative core beliefs is planting the positive ones. Why that negative core belief is not true.
[00:18:19] If you can’t find an evidence of a positive experience to support your newly planted positive belief, then keep your eyes open for evidence in future.
[00:18:29] You become a detective to find evidence for the positive core belief. And if you don’t know where to start, ask yourself, what would make me believe this positive core belief? Unless you start truly, honestly, and genuinely believe in it, it’s not going to work. So write the answer down that -what would make me believe in that? And you should start doing those things.
[00:18:55] More and more you reaffirm this in your mind. All the other negative thoughts, which were associated or originating from this negative core belief would just vanish.
[00:19:06] Even when you face the same experience that used to once trigger you. Once used to make you feel upset about it, those things will simply vanish. Those things will not exist anymore. Like, after doing this healing, when you again, come back from home and you see a huge pile of laundry. It will not upset you anymore.
[00:19:30] You’ll be like, oh, laundry. Okay. I’ll do it sometime. And you just go about it. You either fold it. Wash it. Or whatever you were supposed to do it without feeling upset. So the point of doing this exercise is to completely eliminate your reasons of feeling upset.
[00:19:45] It’s not a one-time practice. Every time you feel upset, just do this exercise. I promise you, at some point of time, when you have done this exercise enough number of times, on finding multiple negative core beliefs and healing them- You’ll feel much lighter, better in life because there is nothing weighing you down.
[00:20:08] So to summarize this is what we should be doing. First you become aware of the negative thought and write that negative thought down. Then you ask two questions to that thought. Why is it so bad? And the follow-up question is – what does it mean for me or about me. And whatever answer you have, you keep applying these two questions to that answer until you have hit the negative core belief.
[00:20:41] Now the healing will happen in two parts. The first part is, will heal the negative thought first, before we heal the negative core belief. Because we want to find or remove any secondary gains. To heal the negative thought, you have to ask these questions.
[00:20:55] Where in your body do you feel this negative thought? Where is the stress of this thought felt in your body?
[00:21:02] What in your life will change, that you are not ready to change, if you heal this negative thought today?
[00:21:09] in what ways can I fulfill that need , the secondary gain ,without sticking to that thought?
[00:21:15] When you are with this negative thought, who are, what made you feel this way?
[00:21:20] What will you be able to heal in life? If you are able to heal the negative thought today?
[00:21:25] Can you find a reason to drop this thought? I’m not asking you to drop this thought.
[00:21:30] Can you find a stress free reason to keep that thought?
[00:21:34] Who would you be without this negative thought?
[00:21:36] Write the opposite of that thought in a positive way.
[00:21:40] Once you heal the negative thought, then you move on to healing the negative core belief.
[00:21:45] You write the opposite of the negative core belief. And try to find evidence to reaffirm that new found positive belief. That’s it.
[00:21:58] So do this and let me know how your experience goes, what are your questions, suggestions and comments. I would love to hear more about them. You can drop a comment on my website. I’ve shared the link in my podcast description. Please subscribe to my podcast. Or click on the like and favorite button . And leave me a review.
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